Living with CMT, Day 13,763

46.2° I had that moment today, where a good friend asked, how are you?  Really?

And a knife that I never even knew that I carried cut deep into my composure.  And I realized what a strong story I tell. I have crafted a social-self that meets and exceeds expectations.  Again, when things are going smooth, the public-self and the private-self are close to the same. It's not hard to maintain everyday life.

When stressors build, when life gets challenging, it's the private-self that usually takes the stress.  That's part of who I am.   When the two sides drift apart, and it takes more work to maintain the public, can-do-anything persona . . . those are the rough days.

Again, all about balance.  Must not put so much energy into the public-self so that the private self gets wore out.  Most days, I can hold it all.  Some days, it's just too much.

That's why many people are surprised to learn that I have challenges at all, why it trips me up when someone asks how are you? in that meaningful way.  Because I am very good at holding the image of 'normal'.  Very good at rising to the occasion.

Not so good at prioritizing my limits.

More to mull over . . . how to keep it all together, to bridge my worlds, to be okay with not being okay . . . there's the conundrum (love that word).  :)

Oh, and how did I answer the question?  Fine.  I'm fine.  Mostly :)