Living with CMT, Day 14,529

Where to begin today?

Actually, yesterday. When we took a fun trip to the zoo with my mom. We had a great time wandering from the giant anteater to the giraffes.

I wore my brace. Still, I knew I would pay for the fun today. And I'm paying all right. Borderline migraine headache, sore hip, fatigue. What surprises me is how quickly I forget. This evening I was puzzling about my headache. And it was my daughter who said, "Remember, Mom, we did a lot of walking around yesterday. That could be the problem."

Oh, yes. Wise girl.

Then, since I am on vacation, I want to accomplish the neglected corners around the house. Spring cleaning has inspired me to dust and vacuum, sort and organize.

When I need to sit. Do nothing.

Then, I also have two big projects that require big creative energy. Even when I sit, my mind spins. A recipe for disaster. I must seriously slow down.

I wonder if people realize how challenging these limitations are, these ghosts tying knots around my choices.

People may have idle dreams about lounging on the couch, watching movies or reading books. They may think it would be lovely to let chores slip. They may think that a reason to do 'nothing' would be wonderful.

They are wrong. 'Nothing' becomes a prison. And the resentment, after an afternoon of quiet, or a day, or three days, when I still feel heavy and tired, that resentment can build into many shades of darkness.

But it cannot be fought. I have a few medications, but the relief is short. And the thump of falling to earth when they wear off is annoying. No, this battle cannot be won. It complicates the dance is all. Early rest. Calm mind. And trust. This too will pass. Except it won't, not entirely. But the headache will fade :)

Small expectations. Mighty appreciation :)