Living with CMT, Day 14,693

Color me grumpy. Color me frustrated. Color me sick of putting ice on this aggravated ankle. Color me done. And I can probably color you done too, done reading about this cycle of hope and frustration. After all.

Time since injury: 68 days (2 months, 1 week, 5 days) Treatment: Walking boot cast, crutches, elevate, ice at least 3x a day Diagnosis: Talus bone contusion (bone bruise) and sprain Care: Physical therapy 2x weekly

In my world, I stop talking about my challenges. When there isn't a solution, what good does it do to share today's rough, today's difficult, today's another long, foggy, dark road? How many days before it sounds whiny?

But the beauty here is that I can say it over and over. Because it is true over and over. And that is part of the CMT experience, to be in this place over and over.

And we are very good at shining the light like a prism, to find a new way to tackle a familiar challenge. And an injury was my big fear, and injury that took forever to heal. And that is right where I am right now.

Not only that, but we have family stress. My husband has been out of work for over a year. We thought, when it gets bad, we will get a loan modification for the house. But we found out today that we miss the cutoff for the programs by two months. In 2009. And we refinanced to get out from under one of those jump-loans that was going to raise our payments after five years. Now we would be better off if we had been irresponsible and not taken care to adjust the loan back then. Of course, back then, we didn't expect Giovanni to lose his job. And we are so underwater, owing more than our house is worth, that we can't get a traditional loan either. So...

The bank people (and I talked to many people) were stumped. "Sorry."

So let's add financial stress to the healing stress and the family stress and the job-hunt stress.

How do I keep from sinking? Deep breaths. I cleared a table and lit a candle. And that actually helped. The silver critter is a hermit crab given to me by my cousin. We are both Cancers. Needing a safe haven. A little zen in the chaos.

A not-so-smart choice was trimming roses on my crutches. The kids came in from playing and they were all scratched from my wild roses. I felt bad for them so I made the effort to get the worst thorny branches off of the bike track. I paid afterwards with angry-ankle, though.

I will be good now and unplug for the night. Though I must say the online community is helping me through these dark hours. The replies on Twitter, the activity on CMT Clicks, the support on Facebook. All of you give me strength and courage and laughter as I climb this mountain. And it is amazing. Teaching was hard enough. Parenting was hard enough. Living was hard enough. And now it is all on crutches. Harder than ever.

But the landscape will change. The tangled forest will open up and I will appreciate the light so much. The most powerful, magical words I know are I am strong enough.

Wishing you strength as well :). Shine on!