New Concern

Always something :) I visited the neurologist yesterday craft a winter-plan.  Winters are crazy-challenging for me.  "Why haven't you moved to Palm Springs, yet?" the receptionist teased me.  I am old before I'm forty :).

Anyway, given our finances and the fact that I like this area, we aren't moving just yet.  We are so underwater on our house (owing more than it's worth) that it will be a long while before we can leave.  We're the generation that bought in the boom and inherited the bust.  Then lost our jobs.

But we're holding on.  That's enough for now.

And I'm paying a ton of money each month for insurance, so I figure I should use it.  He did the basic tests- reflexes (none) and grip strength and resistance measurements.  Then he paid attention to my knee.  "Does this hurt?"

A little.

"Hmm.  Well, it shouldn't really.  What about-" He pushed my leg gently while holding my knee and a tweak of pain yanked at my muscles.  "Ow!" I said in surprise.

"Not good," he said. "That shouldn't hurt.  Sorry about that."

"It's okay," I said because it wasn't that big of a deal.  "What does it mean?"

"I'm worried that you may be damaging the cartilage in your knee.  The muscles aren't strong enough.  We need to work on exercises."

He suggested a few basic strength-building exercises.  And we chose a new medicine to try for the arthritis.  And I walked away, again holding this story that I need to weave into my days.  Because it doesn't seem like that big of a deal.  But it could be a huge deal.  Strange how my stories change.  And I get used to an idea.  And when new information surfaces, when something like this happens, my whole world rocks on its foundation for awhile.

Because this time, I was okay with dealing with mess in my ankles and feet.  I'm even wearing the braces more.  I accept the decline from my shins down.  Same with my wrists and hands.  They are are fragile and fussy and I know how to care for them (mostly).

But not above that.  Not knees and elbows.  Not shoulders and hips.  Though I should know better.  Really.  Still, not fun to think about.

I'm no different really than a week ago (or am I?).  Just awareness and caution.  That's the tricky part about degenerative conditions, though, because it can change that quickly.  And it can be a really big deal.

Hopefully that's the most I need to worry for awhile.  :)

Because exercise is a lovely idea.  But if the nerves are fraying, exercise won't accomplish much.  I have a story for that.  Tomorrow.  :)